Finding My Voice! Part One


There is this great fear in me that makes me so scared of a lot things
Things that I just cannot explain
Most times I wonder if I could ever be all that I was created to be
Will I ever achieve my dreams
And what about all this ideas boiling in my heart
Will I ever get far in life
This fear has a way of restricting me in all I do
And deep down in my heart I believe there is so much to be done
But with so little time left
More souls to be touched
I feel so handicapped with my abilities when I know it’s all within my heart
Why is this so hard
I feel like I have wasted alot of time doing things that are far different from who I am.
I think alot about my weakness which I have allowed to cloud my judgement
I am not tall enough to reach this height that is so tall
I feel I am too small to do big things
I feel like I would be looked down upon
I don’t think I am bold enough to face this giants that surrounds me
I have stayed in my comfort zone for so long that this zone has become so uncomfortable for me
I want to burst forth the good that is within me
I want to break records and let everyone realise that there is no dream or idea that is so difficult to achieve
No mountain is too high that I cannot climb
Like a deep knife pierced through my soul I am trying to reach out for something that is within my reach
I mean I can feel it
I can touch it and I know this is real.
I regret a lot of things in my life
I really wish I had someone who would have shown me the way
What would make a 16 year old girl who is so full of dreams say she wants to die because she felt so empty and useless
She was surrounded by a lot of people but only she knew how lonely she felt when the show was all over
Every night she would lock herself up in the closet and cry her eyes out to sleep
With thoughts so consuming it could burn a house
Her closet became her confidant
The only thing she could open up to without being judged
The only place she felt so safe and so alive
The darkness in the closet became her light
This girl happens to be me
This scar right here has become my saving grace
I would never forget that night when I felt it was all a waste
“I am a waste”
I became my own accuser
I hated the very sight of me
And I brought before God all my offences
I gave him reasons why He shouldn’t waste His time with someone like me
The only thing I asked God was why me?
What was it He saw in me that I couldnt see.
For hours I was on the floor crying and weeping
Then like a flash I heard something that sounded like
I didn’t need deliverance or to read the whole scriptures to be saved
It would mean nothing to me at that very point where I felt so depressed but
those words became my redemption
My solace and my everything
Did you hear that?
I mean God sees the best in you too
It might be difficult to believe but it only becomes easier
So whenever you are going through a difficult phase in your life
When you refuse to believe that you are worth nothing
When everything seems so blare and tasteless
Let this words become your refuge
That the almighty sees the best in you
God doesn’t care about the things you have done
So skip the introduction
He is crazy and stupidly in love with you and He only cares about just one thing
Your Soul….

To be continued


22 thoughts on “Finding My Voice! Part One

  1. I love your passion for Jesus
    and believe you are and will
    continue to make a difference
    in this world – you are loved
    by the Creator of all fearfully
    and wonderfully made in His
    image – He thought of you
    on the cross – He loves you !!!


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