Hello guys.. It’s been a while innit..
Well what can I say?
It would be very easy for me to say I have been so busy or that I have been distracted in one way or the other but it doesn’t change anything. The simple fact is that I have been missing in action which is all my fault and no one else.
I don’t know where to start from or what to say.
Isn’t it easy for one to express him or herself but find it really difficult to put all that feelings and emotions into writing. Well that is exactly how I feel and I only pray for God’s grace to keep me focused in what I have to say.
This is going to be a long post so please guys stay with me till the end because I really have a lot to say.
I have been so down in every way you could think of and my enthusiasm seems to be lost. I have been struggling with a lot of things like my academics, spiritual life, emotional life etc and I feel so overwhelmed I just need a grasp of fresh air. I seem to have lost it all and I need to find my way back.
There have been a lot of family challenges but I believe God is greater than whatever the devil plans to do.
I feel so dry
I recently ended a relationship that I thought would last for a lifetime but oh boy was I wrong. I really didn’t see it coming or maybe I did but refused to admit it to myself. I ended up believing I could change things without compromising my faith but how did that work out. The devil sure knows how to feed us with lies that seem so good when you look at it from the surface but when you look closer the painful truth stares back at your face. I have been there and I don’t feel so happy and the truth is I feel like I have failed! Yet again
I keep asking God why this didn’t out. Why does my life have to be so complicated? Why can’t I just get this one thing right for once?
And so on and so forth
The problem is always me or well that is what the devil wants me to believe and I am so feed up..
A friend once said I make people happy but I go all hard on myself depriving myself of the happiness I deserve.
It all seemed like a match made in heaven but I knew deep down that it wasn’t what God wants for me. I even tried to bargain with God but being who He is, He wasn’t having any of that. The decision must be made no matter how difficult it would be but it must be done.
We tried to stay true to our faith and God kept us only to separate us for a reason none other than, it wasn’t just meant to be.
God’s word reminds me that he breaks off every branch in me that does not bear fruit, and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit, so that it will be clean and bear much fruit. John 15:1-2
And as children of light we must obey God because it is no longer us who lives but God who lives in us.
So I want to take time off the blog to be feed by his word like never before. And be nurtured in and through him alone, for what my heart needs is more of God and less of any man.
This blog belongs to God and my only desire is to bring glory to him by what I write here and that my life reflects how mighty and absolutely faithful he is to me.
I want to go back to the drawing board were it all started in the first place and I can only do that by removing every clutter in my life and handing it all to God.
A place of rest is what God has promised us and that is what my soul longs for.
To rest from every disappointed and heartache because there is so much bottled up in me that I try to hide and guide with everything within me. My friends would always complain about how secretive I am and I can only hope they would someday understand that it really isn’t about me.
There are a lot of toxins in my life that I need to let out before I can move ahead.
At this point I can’t go any further but to just rest under the wings of my Saviour who has assured me of place to rest for a while and after which I continue my journey.
So this isn’t goodbye but more like a coming soon till God deems fit for me to come back.
I can’t thank you all enough for your love and prayers which surpass anything the world could offer.
I leave you all in the peace of Christ and I hope when I return which is certain that I meet you all in one peace stilling standing firm in the faith you profess.
I am really trying so hard to fight back tears because it is going to be hard and the truth is I am scared of what could become of me and my dreams but then again I am reminded that this battle is not mine to fight but of the Lord.
He satisfies my hunger and thirst and all that I will ever need comes from Him and Him alone. He is my firm foundation in Him I can never be moved but will stand firm in His boundless love for me.
If I can’t make right with God now then there is just no me for He comes first in everything no matter how right it might seem.
He is writing my story and I am so sure it is going to be a pretty long one but one with a beautiful ending.
Just a few quotes before I leave. And I hope it makes sense to you as it does to my Spirit.
God is making beautiful diamonds out of me
If it doesn’t challenge you, it doesn’t change you.
God didn’t bring me this far to leave me.
Pray hardest when it’s hardest to pray.
This is my favourite…
The God of grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you!!!
I don’t know how to end this but be sure that I won’t stop writing so that I could share a lot with you when I reappear…
God bless you all and
This isn’t goodbye…but a coming back soon